Apocalypse, Now!!

February 23rd, 2012 No comments

I’ve been patiently awaiting the apocalypse since the first somewhat-credible proclamation of Armageddon was made upon the close of the 20th century.  I use the term “credible” somewhat loosely, because short of a dinosaur-killing asteroid plunging toward the earth or Death and Famine and cohorts razing the city on horseback, you tend to take end-of-the-world proclamations with a grain or two of salt.  But under the circumstances, I considered it largely improbable, yet distinctly possible that if some fair number of systems upon which modern society was tethered to were to truly go belly-up (assuming we weren’t first disposed of entirely by ill-mannered nuclear missiles flying about with wild abandon) and planes started falling from the sky, society would ride a tidal wave of mass hysteria into some eventual state of primal civilization. Rant On!


How NBC and Super Bowl XLVI Screwed Me Into Making Friends

February 15th, 2012 No comments

At the end of last year, we made the decision to join the growing masses of rebels and cut the cable TV cord.  Using Hulu and Netflix, we are able to watch all of the shows that interest us anyway, so why not save ~$100/mo?  For the most part, the past few months have been business as usual with us watching our shows and finding new ones to waste our time.  The only thing I was missing were sports, but even that impact was minimized:  ESPN3 got me through the College Bowl season and I stumbled through the NFL playoffs watching gamecasts (DirectTV is right, it is definitely not the same).  And when I saw that NBC was going to be airing the Super Bowl, I thought the stars were aligning in my favor.  I had watched a few games at the end of the season on their SNF site and was happy enough with the coverage.  I bought lottery tickets that very afternoon. Rant On!

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February 15th, 2012 No comments

I’ve considered the possibility that I’ve likely disappointed my regular followers with my dearth of timely bilious rants over the past few months.  And then it occurred to me that my regular followers (all 1 or 2 of them) are likely largely indifferent, whereupon I convinced myself that catharsis is a perfectly acceptable (and morally superior) substitute for celebrity.  That having been established, it’s not that I’m any less rage-filled than before, but unfortunately my compulsion for shaking my fist mercilessly at the sky and decrying the gods doesn’t translate to a proportionate compulsion for setting it down in writing.  At any rate, in the interest of making amends and offering catharsis to another weary soul, I welcome my compatriot and fellow cranky bastard DrunkenSquirrel to punch up RabidPossum’s Soapbox with his own brand of bile-soaked rage when he feels so inclined.


On IKEA and My Penance for My Earthly Sins

November 8th, 2011 2 comments

I hate Ikea.  For someone living in the dense urban clusterfuck that is New York City, with an apartment roughly half the size of the men’s restroom at a suburban Cheesecake Factory, going to Ikea is not unlike when a man in a white coat shoves his cold, latex-clad finger in your ass once a year (for middle-aged guys, at least)—it’s unpleasant and, sadly, inevitable.  I’ve been a loyal Ikea customer for eight years, in the same sense that someone with battered-wife syndrome makes for a loyal spouse. Rant On!

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Steve Jobs: A Faust for the New Millennium

October 12th, 2011 2 comments

I’ve quietly maintained, over the years, a list of individuals (persons of some celebrity or notoriety foremost, but not completely discounting a few personal acquaintances) who I’m convinced have, at some point, traded their souls to Satan in exchange for power and influence.  For brevity’s sake, I’m not of a mind to discuss the entire list here (which would go on for volumes, anyway), but I will begin simply by starting at the top, and (at the risk of inciting the wrath of so-called tech “journalists” and self-described aficionados, the popular media, celebrities, legions of hipster assholes, and Stephen Colbert), that distinction belongs to Steve Jobs. Rant On!

On the Trappings of Celebrity and Why Football and I Agreed to See Other People

September 22nd, 2011 No comments

I like football.  I don’t follow football, because, to be honest, it’s entirely too much goddamned work to keep up with any manner of professional sport.  It’s essentially impossible for me to keep up with the cavalcade of names, their affiliations and various relevant statistics and trivia required of a true sports fan.  For one, I’m not good with names to begin with.  In any given social situation, I’m fortunate to remember the names of more than one out of every five new people that I meet (I have managed over the years to distill the circumstances necessary for my actually remembering someone’s name down to a handful of basic criteria, but that’s a discourse unto itself), much less an entire goddamned team roster.  But more importantly (returning to my original assessment), I like football.  I don’t love football or espouse any particular passion for it, and thus, like so many other things in life, it all comes down to the simple fact that I don’t give enough of a shit about it to invest the time and energy required to be a real “fan”. Rant On!

Welcome to the Jungle

May 6th, 2011 3 comments

When I was a kid, I used to watch Doogie Howser.  I wouldn’t say that I ever particularly enjoyed the show, but being roughly the same age as Doogie, I had formed something of a resentful attachment to the character.  I won’t plumb the full depths of that idea just yet, but suffice to say that among other things, I was mildly fascinated with one of the main conceits of the show, which always ended with him recording some “dear diary” thought of the day on his computer. Rant On!