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Posts Tagged ‘Tech’

The Apple Watch and The Pointless March of Progress

September 12th, 2014 No comments

iwatch

Not that it’s any particular surprise to anyone who knows me, but I didn’t watch, listen to, or otherwise actively pay attention to Apple’s much-anticipated new-product love-in on Tuesday. Not because I didn’t have a passing, if marginal, interest, but because, along with anyone else paying attention, I already knew goddamned-well what they were going to announce. The only real reason for watching was to hear Tim Cook describe how Apple’s Revitalizing Miracle Tonic would cure my rheumatism, dyspepsia and receding hair line and leave me with minty fresh breath. Rant On!

May 2, 2014: The Week in Review

May 2nd, 2014 No comments

May has arrived and in a few short days, millions of assholes will think themselves quite clever by posting “May the Fourth be with you” to Facebook and Twitter. But in the meantime, here are a few choice items that forced themselves into my consciousness this week: Rant On!

Facebook and Oculus: The Revolution will be Virtual!

April 11th, 2014 No comments

I’m no particular stranger to virtual reality, having grown up in the 80s and 90s when we had scores of shitty television shows and movies promising a future in which strapping an oversized pair of bionic ski-goggles to our heads would either deliver us into a holodeck-worthy simulation of reality or allow us to somehow surf the internet by flying through a Tron-esque world of floating circuit boards and blinking lights. My own personal fascination with so-called virtual reality culminated in staring at a little red Mario playing tennis for about thirty seconds, after which I decided that I’d had quite enough of the whole affair. Rant On!

March 28, 2014: The Week in Review

March 28th, 2014 No comments

I had a dream this week that I was Nightcrawler from the X-Men (or something along those lines), as I could teleport quite well (though thankfully I hadn’t grown a tail in the bargain). I wasn’t called upon to save the world, but I did find it quite a pleasant surprise when I realized that I didn’t need to carry my keys with me or wait for the elevator. That was the highlight of my week, but here are a few things that went on in the so-called “real” world: Rant On!

2013: The Year in Review

December 31st, 2013 No comments

I was fairly intent on the world ending in 2012, as promised by the ultimately unreliable Mayans, but as that didn’t come to pass, I was a bit ill-prepared for 2013. Nonetheless, the year came and went and I dealt with it as best I could. Rather than a lengthy critical analysis of the year past, I’ve captured the highlights of the year which I believe speak for themselves: Rant On!

Bitcoins, Litecoins and Other Fairytales from the Digital Enchanted Kingdom

December 13th, 2013 No comments

bitcoin-fantasy

Before it became a “thing”, or rather, before I wanted to slit my wrists solely to avoid hearing or reading another story proclaiming it “the next big thing”, I considered buying some bitcoins. Being pragmatic, I took the concept of “virtual” currency at face value, and firstly decided to see if there was anything I would actually do with them. While bitcoin evangelists would be quick to point to the “thousands” of online sites that accept bitcoin as payment, that list largely reads like some unholy fusion of a flea market and a back-alley in Bangkok. And since I didn’t have any pressing need to purchase guns or drugs, gamble or launder money at the time, I decided there was no point and therefore no pressing need to possess any bitcoins. This was also at a time when they were worth relatively little, and I didn’t see any point in purchasing them as an investment or store of value, because that would have been like putting all of my money into Shakey’s Pizza gaming tokens or buying shares of Twitter. Rant On!

Google Play and the Fall of Civilization

March 20th, 2012 No comments

This weekend, I spent the better part of half an hour combing through my phone trying to find the fucking Android Market to download an app, and no, it wasn’t a literal 30 minutes, just like it wasn’t a literal lifetime that I spent waiting in the men’s department of some boutique in Soho (the men’s department being a lonely corner by the front door where likeminded men loiter while they dutifully await their significant others) for my girlfriend to find some ostensibly vital accessory, but it certainly felt like a fucking lifetime.  And so, after a metaphorical half-hour, it finally dawned on me that at some point in the preceding days, my Google Market app had been surreptitiously replaced by something called the Google Play Store. Rant On!

Steve Jobs: A Faust for the New Millennium

October 12th, 2011 2 comments

I’ve quietly maintained, over the years, a list of individuals (persons of some celebrity or notoriety foremost, but not completely discounting a few personal acquaintances) who I’m convinced have, at some point, traded their souls to Satan in exchange for power and influence.  For brevity’s sake, I’m not of a mind to discuss the entire list here (which would go on for volumes, anyway), but I will begin simply by starting at the top, and (at the risk of inciting the wrath of so-called tech “journalists” and self-described aficionados, the popular media, celebrities, legions of hipster assholes, and Stephen Colbert), that distinction belongs to Steve Jobs. Rant On!